It can be rough when you and your sweetheart are having problems in your relationship. From smaller issues to the more rocky problems, conflicts can be really hard to emotionally figure out.
But if you are looking for some practical advice to overcome any crisis then have we got some tips to remind you.
Your relationship is not a lost cause. If it is important to you there are certain things you can do to get back to a good place with your partner. Keep an open mind and be ready to work for your own togetherness and you will remember why you first entered into a relationship in the first place.
We are going to help you remember that relationship problems are a two-way street and you will learn:
- How your happiness isn’t dependent on anyone
- How much effort a strong relationship can take
- How to not take someone for granted
- How you can put love into action specifically
- How to fight fairly when you do have conflicts
These strategies will help you be able to come back from nearly every relationship problem and show that you are ready to be the partner you know you can be. Hopefully, with some effort, you will be able to mend your current relationship and ensure that it can be a long-lasting one.
You Control Your Happiness
Remember first and foremost you are in charge of your own happiness. It is not your partner’s job to make you happy you control your own emotions. Of course, your partner can contribute to how you’re feeling but their relationship with you should not completely dictate how you’re feeling at any given time. Expecting them to be in a great mood all the time is not realistic nor is it realistic for you to be sunshine and roses at all times either.
Everyone is entitled to have a bad day. You are responsible for helping your partner try to see that a bad day doesn’t have to be every day. Working together you can affect each other’s happiness and increase each other’s happiness but you are not responsible for their good or bad mood. That old phrase “you complete me” is sweet in the movies but it’s not realistic.
Wouldn’t you prefer to be “complete” all by yourself regardless of whether your partner is around or not? When you can control your own happiness you will have the freedom to choose if and when you spend time with people? If you spend time with people who also understand that they are responsible for their own happiness you will have more meaningful relationships and a better outlook on life.
People change over time, that is just a fact of life. If you’ve been in a relationship with someone for 10 years you can’t reasonably expect them to be the same person they were when you met. If your happiness depends on things within your relationship not changing then you are going to be in for a nasty surprise. Change is inevitable.
Your reaction to the changes, however, is completely within your control. You obviously want your relationship to succeed, that’s why you’re looking for answers here, so decide to be happy about your relationship. Do not let disconnect stop you from being happy. Let your happiness be enough for both of you on the rough days.
If you are unable to summon up any happiness with your partner that can be a sign that you need to consult a professional for help. Look within yourself, there is no shame in seeking help, in fact, it is a sign of strength and positivity that you believe you can still be fixed.
Happiness is a mental state that you can actively choose. When you wake up in the morning decide that you are going to be happy. It may feel strange or awkward at first but with some consistency, you can own your happiness just by picking that emotion over every other emotion. No matter what happens, decide to be happy.
Let the small things invoke a feeling of happiness and it’s cliche but don’t sweat the small stuff. When you can control your happiness and put yourself into a mental state of happiness you are setting yourself up to be a better partner in your relationship and an all-around better person in life.
Put in the Effort
Choosing happiness day in and day out is going to take great effort on your part. It can be hard to change your mindset quickly especially if that is a foreign concept. But it will serve your relationship well because relationships also take effort.
You must be willing to put in the effort no matter how long you’ve been together, no matter where you see yourself going. If you’re going to make a relationship work you’re going to need to try to make the relationship work. If your approach to relationships and love is waiting for your partner to do all the work it’s not likely that your relationship will last.
When each person is willing to put in the working relationship is going to be more solid. Go ahead and act out of character, you need to break your own pattern of behaviors to help your partner break theirs.
For instance, if you always get mad because they don’t do the dishes in a timely manner and then you yell and this pattern repeats day in and day out the only way to fix it is to try to change your approach to hopefully change their own behavior as well. If you are able to address your partner in a calm friendly tone they will be more likely to meet you where you are.
Be more positive than negative. It sounds so easy when you read it it can actually be quite a challenge. And yet it’s more effective to air your grievances calmly and rationally then filled with anger. Take a deep breath, and make an effort to remain calm.
Don’t Take Each Other For Granted
Never take your partner for granted in might sound obvious but you wouldn’t believe how many couples figure out too late that someone is unhappy and wants to end the relationship. everyone has a breaking point and if their needs are not met they will reach it or look for someone else to fulfill their needs.
Just because you are okay in the relationship does not mean your partner is okay, complacency is not healthy. You should check in with your significant other regularly in order to be sure you’re fulfilling their needs as well as your own. Talking ad communicating is one of the biggest things to can do to allow your relationship to grow.
Before you find yourself getting upset because they always sweep the kitchen and now they aren’t, ask yourself if there is a reason you couldn’t do it yourself. One of two things will happen, either you will decide that you could easily complete the task and benefit both of you, or you will be reminded why you chose this person since they are skilled where you are not.
Put your partner’s needs before your own. As you actively seek to fulfill their needs, remember to thank them for everything they do for you too. Appreciation matters in both business and relationship, if someone isn’t feeling appreciated it will breed resentment and that is not going to help your relationship get stronger.
Look at your behavior within the relationship and see what areas you can improve on to better match up with what you’d like to see from your partner. When both parties are putting in an effort and trying to better themselves you will find joy and will be able to set reasonable expectations going forward.
Don’t forget your manners, saying “please,” “thank you” and “you’re welcome” can go a long way in building up respect for one another and can make sure that you aren’t taking each other for granted. Use your words to express your thankfulness and appreciation for each other and you will soon realize how much better you work as a team.
Put Love In Actions
Remember that love is a verb. In case it’s been a while since elementary school for you, verbs are action words. Simply putting your love into action by saying or doing small little things every day can yield big results. Everyone loves to feel recognized, loved and appreciated. When you are able to show your appreciation both parties in the relationship will be motivated.
When a couple is motivated to do better, the relationship will grow stronger. Certainly, big flashy gestures are fun but they aren’t necessary all the time. Especially when little things like a hug, a kiss, a flirty text message or a simple thank you can have the same benefit as a rose petal path and a violin.
When you do something daily to show how much you appreciate your partner your appreciation for each other will grow and you will continue to be in love because you are creating that action. It’s also more likely they will want to show their appreciation for you. Change up your mental state and decide you want to show your other half how much you love them.
What kind of actions seem to have the strongest effect on your partner? See if you can figure out their love language simply by observing. Often your love language will differ from your partners so it may take some detective work on your part.
Once you have clued into what type of love will help you connect with your partner on a deeper level you can incorporate that into your relationship every day. As you strive to make your partner feel good about themselves, they will be more likely to reciprocate and feed your own needs within the relationship.
Specific actions you can try include holding their hand while you take a walk or watch a movie, writing them little notes of appreciation, doing a service for them like washing their car, bring them a small gift as even a candy bar shows you were thinking of them which can make them feel loved.
Not all conflicts are bad. We often feel that the thing we most want is the thing that your partner is least capable of giving you but that shouldn’t mean the end of your relationship or your love for one another. It is actually the beginning of taking your relationship to a deeper place. Don’t fear the conflicts when they come, instead decide to face it head-on.
Don’t fight each other, fight the issue. There is absolutely no excuse for name-calling or bringing up “back up” examples that don’t apply to the situation. When you fight with low blows it can emotionally hurt your partner and cause them to retreat. That might be fine with you in the heat of the moment but when someone feels hurt they are not likely to move past it easily.
When you add hurt feelings to the mix you will then have another fight brewing. Do not add more conflicts to your issues when a simple apology could be sufficient. Remember that no matter how long you’ve been together they cannot read your mind, so if you don’t put into words how you’re feeling they won’t know or understand.
Staying away from absolute statements like “you always” or “you never” is also a good idea. Overgeneralization during a conflict will lead to defensive behavior and not problem-solving which is what you’re really after. You’re fighting to solve a problem, not fighting because you enjoy it so don’t bring up facts and phrases that aren’t productive.
When you can both commit to working with each other to better your relationship you are committing tipping together for longer. Every time you consciously choose to fight for your relationship you are bettering it for the long run. It’s when people give up and stop fighting that indicate a relationship has run its course.
If you hold your partner’s shortcomings against them you will find yourself breeding resentment and holding on to resentment is the first sign that your relationship will fail. If you want to mend your relationship you need to let go of winning or losing. You either win together and continue to fight or you are done.
When you are willing to support your own happiness, show your love in discernable ways, fight fairly and accept that not all conflicts mean your relationship is doomed you are more prepared to have a long-lasting relationship. No relationship is perfect but you can certainly keep yours strong and healthy by following these five guidelines.
- Decide to be happy for yourself first and foremost.
- Expect that your relationship will not be effortless.
- Show your appreciation for your partner
- Figure out what your partner needs to feel loved by you.
- Fight the issue, not your partner’s personality
As you learn how to connect again and get to a deeper understanding of each other, you can face relationship problems and overcome them in the end together. You too can create a strong relationship with your partner with a little effort. Watch and see how your relationship can improve.