Divorce is stressful for both parties. When children are involved, they also feel stress and anxiety. They often struggle academically and are more at risk of getting into trouble with the law. Furthermore, children of divorced parents have a higher rate of poverty and are more likely to experiment with sex, drugs, and alcohol. Behavioral problems might be seen, and children of separated or divorced parents become sick more often. How can parents help their children cope with divorce or separation and reduce the risk of these issues?
When going through a divorce or separation as a parent, there are so many factors to take into account to ensure you are protecting your child. As such, your guide to family solicitors by Peters & May (or other guides by experts of a similar caliber) can point you in the right direction in terms of action and support and can help you get started on a better path during this process.
Share Emotions
Parents should share their feelings about the divorce or separation with the children without going into details about what happened in the marriage. For example, a parent may tell a child they are sad about the divorce and scared of what the future may hold. The parents may find they need a new lawyer and the child might worry about where they will live, how each parent will pay for their house, etc. However, a parent shouldn’t blame the spouse or share any anger about the spouse with the children. By showing the kids it’s okay to talk about feelings, the child will feel more comfortable talking about how the divorce or separation makes them feel. Allow them to continue to talk about it as they get older. They will begin to understand more and need to process their feelings as they grow and develop.
Similar Households
Try to work with the other partner to establish similar households. For example, kids need the same bedtime in each household to make it easier to transition between the two. Children want to know if they will have access to their favorite things, particularly those items that provide them comfort when they are upset or stressed. Older children often want to know about their electronic devices and if they will have access to them at both houses. Don’t dismiss these concerns as minor. These items mean a lot to the kids and can be of help in reducing any anxiety the child is experiencing. Parents need to maintain open lines of communication to allow the kids to feel secure when they go between homes.
Express Love
Kids may need to be reminded continuously that both parents love them unconditionally and that the divorce or separation is in no way their fault. They need to understand that just because the parents no longer love one another doesn’t affect their love for the children. They are two separate types of love, but many kids can’t comprehend this yet. They think their parents may fall out of love with them just as they did one another. Reinforce the idea that the parents still love the kids regardless of their relationship issues.
Start New Traditions
One thing that families lose when the parents separate or divorce is family traditions. Make new ones with the children so they have things to look forward to. In addition, if the parents still get along, they may wish to try to keep certain traditions initially to help the children ease into the divorce. For many couples, this isn’t possible. They cannot stand to be around one another. In these situations, the children should spend time with each parent alone. When doing so, start the new traditions so they don’t feel such a big loss.
Regardless of how they feel about one another, parents need to work together to ensure the children feel safe and loved during the separation or divorce. Adults need to ensure that children come first throughout this process. They didn’t ask for the parents to get together or have children. They shouldn’t pay for the choices the adults make in their lives. If parents remember this, they can help the child through this difficult time and feel safe and secure when doing so.